--Guit'Requiem-- [Strummin' My Thoughts Away]

2008-05-08T18:38:00.000-07:00

okay, first things first: i won't be posting here any more... might delete it someday... but any journal posts/updates i make will be on my deviantArt journal, feel free to visit my page : http://www.vampiro-guitarist.deviantart.com/
(link is also under my links here)

okay, next: YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE TO WATCH THIS GUY. he's friggin awesome. he's a choreographer/dancer, 15 years old, i think.

see his other vids too. there's one of when he was 13 years old. and he WAS AWESOME (for that age) lawl.

cheers.

Cross Country 2008

2008-03-02T13:52:00.000-08:00

to the people who would like to see any pictures of the cross country i have taken, i'll post it up on my DEVart page soon. if there are photos you want that aren't posted up, email me, k? ^^

i can walk the whole damn way and STILL get a stupid collarpin. wth. ><

sorry

2008-02-11T04:15:00.000-08:00

man, i dont know what to say. just... i'm sorry. i really am. i'm sorry...

-------
Will you listen to my story?
It’ll just be a minute,
How can I explain?
Whatever happened,
dear, I never meant to hurt you,
How could I cause you so much pain?

When I say I’m sorry,
Will you believe me?
Listen to my story,
Say you won’t leave me.
When I say I’m sorry,
Can you forgive me?
When I say I will always be there,
Will you believe,
will you believe in me?

All the words that I come up with,
They’re like gasoline on flames.
There’s no excuse,
no explanation
Believe me if I could undo what I did wrong
I’d give away all that I own.

If I told you I’ve been cleanin’ my soul,
And If I promised you I’ll regain control,
Will you open your door,
And let me in take me for who I am,
And not for who I’ve been, who I’ve been?
(Who I've been)

When I say I’m sorry,
Will you believe me?
Listen to my story,
Say you won’t leave me.
When I say I’m sorry,
Can your forgive me?
When I say I will always be there,
Will you believe me?
When I say I’m sorry
When I say I’m sorry
When I say I’m sorry
When I say I’m sorry
When I say I’m sorry

Can you forgive me?
When I say I will always be there,
Will you believe?

2007-11-05T04:25:00.000-08:00

not much to update i guess... i'm addicted to Hinder recently... i wanna buy their cd.i like "here's to the night" by Eve 6... and "here i stand" by Madina Lake.

been really busy, with training, lessons, student leadership stuff, etc. i guess i'm just trying to keep my mind busy so that i dont have much time to be depressed and even consider suicide.

i went to visit my DARLING cheryl at her school last week. didn't do much. next time i'll take you out on a proper date, okay hun? when i have money! xD

go see the songs i've recently put up on my dA account. http://vampiro-guitarist.deviantart.com/
i dont really like them. but lotsa people like them... i probably dont like them because they all remind me of her. sigh. ah well.

bettina, signing out.

---------------------
So denied, so I lied
are you the now or never kind
In a day, and a day love
I'm gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing to be had
are you cool with just tonight
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Put your name on the line
along with place and time
Wanna stay, not to go
I wanna ditch the logical
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

All my time is froze in motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go
Don't let me let you go
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well
------
My hands shake cuz today,
I know you're gonna break my heart and,
My life without you in it
Is a life, it's not worth living.
I'll be strong but i wish i was someone else,
Anyone but me tonight

Here i stand
All alone
Tonight,
And i wish i was strong enough to breathe
Without you
In my life,
I wish i was anyone but me.

So I'll start to pretend im ok
But you should know by now that
My life is smoke and mirrors,
The one thing is crystal clear
That i'm the one wishing i was someone else,
Anyone but me tonight

Inside i start to fall apart.
And i'll pretend im holding on
So i guess ill bleed in silence.
I guess i'll bleed in silence.

2007-10-21T02:13:00.000-07:00

alot has happened since my last post... not gonna bother posting a full update. but gonna try and revive my blog...

exams are over...
i've started hip hop classes with guo yi. (thanks maqrius!)
playing pool alot...
suddenly, i think i've lost interest in softball. (damn, i hate to prove lily ng right. sorry guys.)

i've actually been trying to see which is the best form of suicide...
i've hit a personal rock bottom...
i knew it was coming, yet i kept up the act...
i blame nobody except myself...
actually, i WANT you to blame me...
it's my fault anyways...
-----
how many wrongs make a right?

i chronicled the days you made me want to live
i spend my nights either sleepless or dreaming about you

going on without you still upsets me.
it's hard to deal with the pain of losing you.

i hope you're sleeping better knowing that i never sleep at all.

all i ever wanted comes right down to you.
i see the edge but i can't take the fall.
i don't wanna be like this.
i just want you to know that everything i hold in is everything i can't let go.

i can't believe you were the one to build me up and tear me down.

it's only words and words are all i have to take your breath away.

I'm Sorry, even though sorry is never enough.

2007-07-02T04:57:00.000-07:00

I DEMAND YOU PEOPLE PLAY THIS GAME!!! --->http://www.addictinggames.com/theimpossiblequiz.html

very addictive game. bloody frustrating though.

today went bowling with the twins and lilin. played darts too. then the twins and i went to east coast to meet jazzy, weiyun and unice. we made them wait 2 hours for us... (SORRY, JUNIORS!! ><) went roller blading. then everyone went home. ^^

----
I found my place in the world
Could stare at your face for the rest of my days

2007-06-28T05:39:00.000-07:00

oh yeah, my parents said that they'll let me go back for service if i can do well for ALL my subjects OVERALL. that means i gotta pass my social studies!!! and i have to wait till rebort book coems out. that'll be in like... LATE OCTOBER OR SOMETHING! @_@ so far away!

---
I was born to tell you I love you

And I'm tired of being all alone

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

i just wanted you to know,
i think about you every night
when i fall asleep
you are in my dreams

2007-06-28T05:18:00.001-07:00

oh my god la. today, lilin and i were walking to my place, then we ran into guru at block 412. this old lady slipped and fell on the slippery wet floor. and hit her head.

she was like, bleeding alot. stained her shirt like mad. damn scary, we panicked then lilin called for an ambulance. damn scary, 71-year-old woman slips and falls, and starts bleeding on the back of her head like crazy. O____O

after that whole situation was olved, lilin and i ran to her house to grab her music enrichment course booklet. then ran for the bus to go back to school. then went for the music enrichment course.

then went to watch the juniors' match. they won 24-20 or something like that. siyin and i nearly died of a heart attack. kept screaming: "YES! (sees ball get dropped/go between someones legs/overthown/etc) O_O HOMG! NOOOOOooOOooOOoO!!!!! (juniors tag another runner out) YES! (something else happens) NO!!!!" we did that pretty much every inning.

we like on the ground making spastic laughing sounds and taking deep breaths by the end of the game. xD

CONGRATS C DIV NTSS SOFTBALLERS ON YOUR MATCH TODAY AGAINST GREENDALE!

------
I shouldn't love you
but I want you I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you
but I can't move I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine
when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how
to make a feeling stop

Thought you should know
I've tried my best
to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why
I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it

2007-06-22T02:52:00.000-07:00

cries. OOKAMI! YOU OVER-ACHIEVER, YOU! we're all gonna miss you so much!

[for those of you who don't know, my friend has got the official word saying she's been accepted into the Idyllwild Art Academy.

she's doing a major on cello in the music segment, and although Idyllwild is an arts-based private high school with majors such as dance, visual arts, film, creative writing, etc, they still have to do normal academic subjects alongside, so it's gonna be a tight schedule for her.

the academy is located on the San Jacointo mountains in Los Angeles. It's pretty close to San diego too. ...los angeles. ...LOS ANGELES! bugger. she's leaving in like, august. sniff.]

congrats to you, darling! don't you DARE forget about us, ya hear!? or i will hunt you down, chop your head off and serve it to lions! >D and be sure to visit us! we've hold a sleepover when you get back! but you better warn us ahead of time, otherwise we might actually do it earlier in the year, therefore wasting the annual sleepover. i don't know whether to smack you or hug you... (smacks you then huggles you excessively) ^^ love ya, dear! [hm, maybe you can smuggle me to LA with you in your suitcase? xD]

2007-06-22T02:21:00.000-07:00

today went to guo yi's house to cook the ethnic dishes needed at the Racial Harmony performance coming up in a few weeks. we ended up cooking very fast. fun day. and now we all feel fat. ate too much. or we cooked too much, and had to eat it all. xD

I'll wait for you, I cross my heart.
Dissolve and decay, there's nothing left for me.
This fire's dying down, there's nothing left to see.

Dissolve and decay there's nothing left for me
Sit back and let her die slowly don't cry, she didn't love you anyway.
Dissolve and decay there's nothing left for me.
Just try to make it out alive, yeah, alive means your blood is flowing.

Just wake me when it's over,
When the curtains raise,
It's time to move on.
Exit now, credits rolling,
The girl who stole my heart.
The one that got away...

Dear black goodbye
Don't forget to write
Your name inside
Of my life

So standby and watch
This fall away and fall apart.

Just say that it's over,
It's over and she's gone.

I fall to pieces,
I can't let go
Of all the times
I never said goodbye.

so let us concentrate
on all those things you love to hate
it makes this all worth the wait
but causes us to separate

I know it hurts
to feel so all alone
I'm by myself,
more then you could know

Every day, all I say
turn to dust and fade away,
so this will last forever.
Fade away and replace
turn your back and walk away
and this will last forever.

I never meant to hurt you
Sometimes these thoughts have a way of making sense
Secrets that we keep turn into accidents

"I lost my head
You couldn't come
This lust to my brain almost feels like a gun" <-- The Used - 'Cut Up angels'

2007-06-20T20:59:00.000-07:00

went for PA sleepover from tuesday to wednesday.

indeed very fun., but it would've been better with more people, like last time.

watched Epic Movie, Snakes on a plane, death note 2 (yes, again), and PERFUME!

perfume is the funniest movie i've seen. we kept cracking jokes every 10 seconds about stuff in the movie. haha.

'PERFUME' SPOILER
So it started off with a very unpleasant birth scene where a woman is selling fish, then drops down under fish stall and gives birth in about five minutes. Then she pops back up and resumes selling fish. But baby's sense of smell pwns everyone's totally, and since it's not a nice place to be (among dirt and maggots and guts under a fish stall), baby starts crying like mad. Mother gets accused of trying to murder her own son and is executed.

Kid with a name I can't pronounce grows up. Nobody likes him because he has no body odour (not just a bad one, none at all.), apparently. But we think think it's because he goes around smelling things. He can smell a frog in the water, for Christ's sake. He smelt a dead rat full of maggots. Ew.

Long story short: He grows up to become one of them perfume workers. His sense of smell is perfectly pwning, therefore he can smell people. And apparently young girls smell really nice. He begins murdering girls to capture their scent. (he kills them by taking a club, konking them over their head, shaving off their hair and taking that along with all their clothes. that's how he gets the scent, from a boiled combination of their hair and clothes. dear me.) He succeeds. But when he's killed the last one and finished the scent, he's caught by the authorities! Oh no!

But it is okay. Because while he is in jail, he opens his perfume bottle and charms all the guards (...No, this is NOT a metaphor.), so he arrives to the execution site in a horse-drawn carriage with damn nice clothes. Everyone falls to their knees and gazes at him with stupidly vacant grins on their faces because he has applied the 13-young-girls-smelling perfume and smells damn nice. He stands on the raised thingy and flips his hankerchief at everyone. Even the bishop falls to his knees.

His Perfume-smelling Hankerchief is thrown into crowd. Mass orgy ensues.I am not even kidding. Even the bishop starts taking off his clothes and working what God gave him. the guy who playes Snape plays the father of one of the murdered girls. but when he ran forward to kill the perfume dude, he smells his daughetrs scent and then pleads to adopt him as his son. bloody funny. xD of course, the perfume dude refuses.

Perfume guy runs. You can so see the 'wtf' plastered all over his face. But he is now depressed, because he has remembered the girl he accidentally killed in the first place.

(For those who want to know, he was trying to smell her, and she got freaked out and screamed, so he clamped a hand over her mouth. But then he got distracted by a couple making out and forgot to take away his hand, so by the time he had torn his eyes away she had suffocated.)

Result: He goes back to where he was born with all the nasty dirty people and pours the perfume over himself. Poor people go mad, shout "It's an angel!" and proceed to eat him. Literally. He is so depressed, he lets them eat him. he takes it as a form of suicide. Don't ask why they would want to eat an angel, I don't know either. But they were convinced they did it purely out of love.

the final scene shows the perfume bottle lying on the ground of the smelly town. the camera zooms in, and you see ONE LAST DROP go DRIP onto the ground. then cut to credits. (we were like, 'oh dear. not another orgy. O_O why don't we get to see it!? xD')

The end.
End Spoiler

watch the movie, puny humans. or i will konk you over the head and sniff you. xD

2007-06-17T03:44:00.000-07:00

JUST GOT BACK FROM ENCOUNTER CAMP!!!!!!! =D=D=D

1) for the first time, i truly, whole-heartedly accepted God into my life, surrendering all i am unto him.

2) we burned sin-lists. we basically got given a list of sins (A LONG LIST!) and tick those we have commited. and there's also a page to write a personal note for God. it was very meaningful. most of us broke down into tears. even the guides broke down into tears as they prayed for us individually. we watched a 'music video' kinda thing for "passion of the christ".

it really touched all of us, and made us just.. truly realise alot more about God's love. jr prayed for me, i felt really touched by her words. once we felt we were ready, we would go outside the salvation army building to kneel in front of a cross and burn our sin-lists. and we could just pray to God in front of the cross.

as i burned my list, i began to tear, then one of the guides knelt down beside me and prayed for me, she said almost the exact same things that jr had said. and both of them had said that they felt God wanted to tell me all the things that they had prayed for me about. i started tearing like a madman.

it really touched me that god sent TWO people to pray for me. it touched me even more that both jr and another guide started to cry as they prayed for me because they felt the pain i was feeling although they didn't know the exact cause of my pain.

when i went back into the hall, another guide came and prayed for me, ALSO about the same thing (but she didn't cry. instead, she read me a verse from the bible to encourage me, haha). again, i started tearing because now it was THREE people whom God had sent to pray for me.

3) we had a session on "forgiveness". the last part of the session was to ask people who had difficulties forgiving people to stand up and allow a guide to pray for them. i stood up. that session, i didn't cry. i broke down into muffled sobs. i sobbed my heart out.

it made things harder when the guide who was praying for me asked me to explain everything to her. i told the guide everything then the guide prayed for me. i was the last person to leave the room because i couldn't stop sobbing my eyes out (okay, jr was with me, so yeah, she talked to me for abit too).

4) i finally took a step to ask God to heal me from all feelings i have as a bisexual (in other words, make me straight). i shared a short testimony about it in front of everyone. and they all prayed for me. i really feel very touched and truly blessed. i feel so loved~! >___<

ENCOUNTER WAS SO FUN! much better than i expected, to be honest.

2007-06-13T04:41:00.000-07:00

today went ice skating with peggy, cheryl, charmaine, si'min and si'jia. damn fun la. laugh like mad also. lol.

then went to the jamming room at jurong east to play. peggy kept singing randomly. a played drums for awhile, then guitar, then drums, then guitar, then drums. the last time on guitar, i was singing with peggy. haha. random songs on her ipod. lol. fun. peggy dunno how to play drums but she anyhow whack also sound damn nice. haha.

i'm addicted to Hawthorne Heights lately. haha.

I know it hurts to feel so all alone
I'm by myself, more then you could know.

I'll wait for you, I cross my heart.
Dissolve and decay, there's nothing left for me.
This fire's dying down, there's nothing left to see.

HOW CAN I FEAR DYING WHEN I HAVE NO REASON TO LIVE?

2007-06-12T05:42:00.000-07:00

today was pretty boring... got haircut with si ying today. she looks like her sister now, haha. xD

tomorrow going ice skating with most of the softballers, yay! 8D i have the sudden urge to want to push peggy. 8D. nah... i'm not that bad. xD

finished reading 'fantasy lover' by sherrilyn kenyon. pretty good book. should let sijia read. i know how much she likes to read sensual books! xD joking. xD

next tuesday during juniors' training, gonna teach lilin to play guitar. give her some basic knowledge before we start the classes on first week of school. I'M TAKING DRUMS! YAY! 8D

my dad today was like, "tell you what, if you decide to move to canada after 2 or 3 years from now, in THAT house, we MIGHT give you the whole basement, make it slightly sound-proofed. that way you can have your guitars, drums, amps, whatever down there and jam all you want." ...great, another reason to move to canada. i think that's what i'm going to do. i have more than enough reason to, anyways.
----------------------

i'm still torn up inside because of her. i can't fall in love with you, i made a mistake of doing that with her. i cant let it happen all over again.

2007-06-10T05:58:00.001-07:00

okay, so during one of the matches yesterday.. (GMS match) i hit two home runs. i was pretty darn happy already. then today, i hit another homerun during Nan Hua match. but my fielding was friggin sucky lah. SORRY TEAM!!!
---
if i said your smile's all that mattered, would you save my life..?
i'm gonna spend my night either sleepless or dreaming about you.
didn't really knew what i had till it was gone.
your voice always helps me when i feel so alone.

my head's screaming: "what happens when you'd destroy anyone who'd try to harm her?
what happens when karma turns around and bites you?
when everything you stand for turns on you to spite you?
what happens when you become the main source of the pain?"

if only i could turn back time and do it all over...

"You make it easy to love you every time you smile at me.
And it's so easy to love you girl you shine so naturally.
I couldn't even count them there's so many ways.
You make it easy to love you.
You can't hide it, it's there in everything you do.
You don't see it, and that's just why I fell for you."

2007-06-09T06:35:00.001-07:00

and yeah, i hate myself. especially for everything i've done to you and them. to be honest, i never meant to get in this deep. and i never should have. i always end up hurting the people i care about. and i always lose the people i love one way or another. i'm to blame, i know. but you're the one who is killing me inside. you refuse to speak to me, you shun me as if i was cursed, and you pretend you never met me.

i TRY to hate you, i really do. but i cant do it. i'm not as capable of hating people as you are. i'm sorry. maybe if i had gone to another school, things would've been different. but i don't regret meeting you. because you helped me in countless ways.

and remember that if there's ever a chance for me to die for you, i'd take that chance without hesistaion. don't EVER doubt how far i'd go for you. i'll burn a million times over in the fiery pits of hell if you want me too. why? because i care about you more than anyone else in the world.

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

The old saying that 'it is better to have known love and lost it' was a big fat lie. there's nothing worse than having someone to love and care for, then losing them.

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause you're only almost here

2007-06-09T02:36:00.000-07:00

yesterday SRC: won against nanyang 7-6, lost to rgs 7-4 i think.

today SRC: lost both games badly. it's like everyone's mentality is dead, no one really that focused. i made lotsa careless mistakes... sorry, softballers!

during second match, second inning, i was playing catcher. a girl from stc charged to home base. and i tried to tag her. all i remember is one second, i remember dropping the ball by accident. the next second, i'm lying on the floor, blood in my mouth and a throbbing pain in my lip and head. i wanted to keep playing. but coach swapped me out. ah well.

so much i need to say. been lonely since the day you went away. been crying since the day you went away. ... .i gave into the stress in life. i cant escape, the pressure seems to get me down. its like a needle in my spine, it stings inside, poisons me with time. people have said i'm not okay, i've lost my mind.

src matches day 1 [8/6/07] & taiwan trip day 1 [1/6/07]

2007-06-08T04:31:00.000-07:00

today had softball matches, won against nanyang 7-6. lost to rgs 7-3 (i think.. or 7-4) i played super sucky lah. made alot of careless mistakes. and my glove wasn't exactly helping... too soft. got the new glove from coach today. need to season it, obviously

fyi, i'll be putting up the taiwan days seperately. easier for me. cos right now, i'm like, falling asleep in front of the computer. -____- damn tired.

TAIWAN TRIP DAY 1

unice's dad fetched me and siyin to the airport. i had starbucks mocha frapp for breakfast. on the plane, sy and i learned that unice is impossible to wake up T_T
Sy and I went high, kept going up to luo lao shi and screaming, "LAO SHI!! (shows peace sign)" we managed to drive her insane in one day. xD

our tour guides: ZHANG shu shu, MICHAEL shu shu, and HONG MEI ah yi. =D=D=D loves~

Went to taipei's ceramic museum. watched a long video on the making of the vases and such. some girl from a taipei school took my picture while we were there. the start of my fanclub. xD haha. After that, tried our hand at pottery (failed miserably) and on my 4th attempt, finally made a moderately acceptable one. my hands were coated in ceramic goo stuff. xD

first thing that happened when we opened out hotel room door.. a cockroach ran out and scared the hell out of siyin and i (our room was in this dark corner at the end of the hallway, so we were already freaked out)

then we did reflection (bothered luo lao shi again! we were in her room cos long lao shi was our group's teacher in charge. she and luo lao shi shared a room. yeah. xD)

after sy and i finished showering, we went to unice's room for awhile. we wanted to go to the 10th floor to find miao ling they all. but when we got into the elevator, it was like... (pushes '10th floor' button... doors close... elevator doesn't move... pushes button again... still no movement... calmly pushes 'door open' button... then run screaming to unice's room)

our room's aircon wasn't working so mr low had to come help us (we saw all the teachers in their pajamas. damn funny~ mr low came out in a shirt and his boxers!)

after that, sy and i asked long lao shi if we could change rooms 'because we were scared' (we actually just wanted a bigger room). she told us to wait for awhile, then she came back with luo lao shi. she had her towel-wrapped-hair look, haha, so cute lah! she was like, "(lies on sy's bed) okay what!" they offered to switch rooms with us. we felt bad and declined their offer (they had a big room. but for some wierd reason, they like our room more than their own O___o)

after that, i kept trying to freak sy out by telling her all the ghost-related thing that could happen in our room. unice can twice to our door (asked for stapler, then for bullets). then the phone rang like right after unice left. i immediately went, "SY! you get it, you're closer! if you die, i'll save everybody else! xD" just to try and scare her. She answered the phone, it was long lao shi, "eh. you all better sleep soon okay..?" sy hung up after that and was like, "OHMIGOSH! SHE CAN SEE US! O________O" lol.

RIGHT after that, there was a knock on our door (NOT unice. cos unice's knocking pattern is always in like, a constant hammering) THAT freaked sy out. we were like, "...w-who's there?" (no response, only another knock) then we repeated louder, "WHO'S THERE!?" Finally, a reply, "Luo lao shi lah!" I broke out in uncontrollable laughter (and choked on saliva in the process...) sy opened the door and was like, "WAH LAO! scare us until liddat!" then started laughing too. luo lao shi was liuke, "why so scared?? i gave you signal what, i knocked!" T______T like wthlol, she came to make sure we weren't scared of being in the dark corner anymore. lol.

after that, went to sleep.

2007-05-31T06:46:00.000-07:00

today was fun. went out to watch POTC 3 with PA-ers [well, just RK, kuro, vicky, alu, wux, stephie, char and myself]. damn random. saw this cute guy, yeah. (sorry, vicky, didn't get his picture for you... D: is saddened) i shall post the picture of our random day soon. (is sad for only having pictures of kuro, rk and stephie) I SHALL HAVE PICTURES OF THE REST OF YOU NEXT TIME! HEED MY WORDS!!! xDxD
---------

I'M OFF TO TAIWAN PEOPLE!

BE BACK ON 7TH JUNE (AT 11PM, MOST LIKELY I'LL SLEEP BY THE TIME I GET HOME)

SOFTBALLERS, DON'T WORRY, I'LL DO SIT-UPS AND PUSH-UPS TO EXERCISE! (actually, see my mood lah)

PRAY I GET CRUSHED BY FALLING DEBRIS IF THERE'S AN EARTHQUAKE! what? i don't mind dying. i think it's better than what i'm going through now.

i'll miss you the most. even if you don't care if i exist.

2007-05-28T20:49:00.000-07:00

thanks for everything you've done, and thanks for telling me what i did wrong.

i would BEG for you to forgive me, but i know that you'd just ignore me and pretend i'm not there.

i openly admit that i was and still am an ignorant asshole, and i hate myself for that.

but if you ever need me, i'll be here.

it might take years before you ever talk to me like a friend again, but i'm willing to wait.

even if that day never comes, i'll still wait for it.

because when it comes down to it, i still need you.

i feel a little better because you told me what i did wrong.

but at the same time, i feel so much more worse.

i lose my way, but you seem to understand.

i still dont understand why things had to be this way.

but if it's what you want...

if this is what makes you happy...

i'll back off.

i'll say goodbye.
--------
staring out at the rain with a heavy heart.
its the end of the world in my mind.
then your voice pulls me back like a wake-up call.
i've been looking for the answer somewhere.
i couldn't see that it was right there.
--------
Promise after promise…
Broken.
Word after word…
Unspoken.

You touch but never feel.
My bloody wounds won’t heal.
You smile as I cry,
And you live as I die.

I can’t hate you for living,
I can’t hate you for surviving.
I shouldn’t hate you for moving on.
But I hate you for leaving me alone.

You listen but never hear.
You comfort me, but not my fear.
You walk away.
When things won’t be okay.

Promise after promise...
Gets broken.
Word after word...
Goes unspoken.

Silence fulfills this room
As I sit across from you.
You stare deep into my eyes…
Yet you still can’t see me cry.

---copyright fadingshadow22 [deviantart]---

2007-05-26T23:29:00.000-07:00

mass group pic at SDC concourse (primary and secondary students)

lilin and i before the camp, sitting at the general office (photo courtesy of lilin)

lilin and i at the concourse area taking pic (i look like a guy.) (photo courtesy of lilin)

the cool hafizah!

'Rachel The Plastic' is actually LISTENING! O__O amazin. xD

Desmond's in his EMO CORNER! xD

poornima, like wth.

HAIRIL! VOTED MOST POPULAR NTSS-ER!

HAIRIL'S back.

Lilin emo-ing (haha)

emo group pic. xD pervin looks like she's gonna sleep. xD

OUR NTSS-VOTED MR UNIVERSE!!

my leg, poornima's hand. i love lilin and poornima. xD

QUEENSTOWN + NEW TOWN= NEW-QUEENS! GROUP PIC!

me, lilin, kamini, pervin, yveene and peiyu. xD

i dunno who this is. think he's a logistics person or something.

JUSTIN!!!!! xD

wah lao, me and lilin cant even sleep without pervin taking my cam and taking a pic of us.

XIANG RUI~!

just got back from CLUSTER SOUTH ZONE 1 NE STUDENT LEADERSHIP CAMP!!!!!!!! xD damn fun. but some parts, too much talk, not enough hands-on.

all ya fun buggers from queensway, miss you guys already!! xD (p.s. rachel, you are plastic, get over it, stop showing me bitch face xD. Pervin, don't be too sick-minded, kayy????? haha. and to the rest of ya, stay cool!)

first night, lilin and i shared sleeping bag, cos i didnt bring mine. then second night, everyone else stayed up till 3 plus in the morning. i had a headache and felt emo. so i went to bed first (so lilin ended up sleeping in hafizah's sleeping bag. dunno where hafizah slept. xD)

on the last day, we taught the other secondary school students to do the honky tonk stomp (aka, our school linedance) yay. fun times. ^^ miss you peeps.
---------------
-emo corner-

i used to stand so tall, i used to feel so strong.

now i cant breathe, i can't sleep, i'm barely hanging on.

here i am, once again, i'm torn into pieces.

you won't get to see the tears i cried.

you made me feel alright for once in my life

now all thats left of me is what i pretend to be

so together, but so broken up inside.

seeing you, it kills me now.

when the rain would fall down, i'd just stare out my window.

when i tried to speak out, felt like no one could hear me.

everybody's got something they had to leave behind.

there's no use looking back or wondering how it could been have or might've been.

all this i know, but i still cant find ways to let you go.

i've never found to say, you're the one i think about each day.

and no matter where life takes me too, a part of me will always be with you.

somewhere in my memory, i've lost all sense of time.

a thousand lies have made me colder.

and i don't think i can look at this the same.

I disappear now, when i'm dreaming of your face.

you're still on my lonely mind.

i think about you, and i dream about you all the time.

you're still with me in my dreams.

i'm weak, it's true.

because i'm afraid to know the answer.

cos my heart keeps falling faster.

do you even know you met me?

i said something wrong...

now i need a place to hide away.

with no place left to go.

i tried, to go on like i never knew you.

i'm awake but my world is half asleep.

i pray for this heart to be unbroken.

but without you all i'm going to be is incomplete.

i know these voices in my head are mine alone.

but good things in life are hard to find.

loving you has made me this way.

i don't wnat to have to face this world alone.

i am trapped in this world, lonely and fading.

are you still the same or did you change somehow.

i'm stuck in a moment that wasn't meant to last.

i still need you.

i still care about you.

2007-05-19T06:33:00.000-07:00

today went for the inter-cluster EPIC race. i had the orchard-vivo city route. was pretty laid back. then our last task was to go to the front of paragon... and sing two christmas carols. with actions. in front of a bunch of people (who were shopping/walking by) we dont know (who pulled out digital cameras to take photos. or gave us the =_- 'wtf' looks). damn funny (and pai seh). malcolm from group sixteen ended up being the so-called 'conductor' lol.

after that, went to kelly and tammy's place with cynthia. played guitar. talked about my haunted primary school xD. showed them the songs i wrote. then came home to slack aorund the house. managed to convince my parents to let me go for the encounter camp (YAY)
--

i'm sorry that it took me so long to realise that the most important thing in my life is having friends like you. it's not about how some bitch made me feel. it's about how you guys made me smile, even when i felt like crap a second before.

i'm so grateful for my spiritual family too! i truly feel blessed to know that i can rely on any of you for help, as well as be able to be relied on if any of you ever stumble. i hope i can go back to service so that i worship the Lord with you guys again. i love you guys so much! and even if i never see you guys again, i'll always remember you all!

i miss you. whatever i did wrong, at least tell me. i'll change if you want me to. tell me what i can do to deserve your kindness...

i told myeself i wont miss you. but i remember what it feels like beside you. i'm sorry.

2007-05-17T05:44:00.000-07:00

it's like you're slowly killing me inside.

it's like i'm looking at you through a glass wall... i see you, but i don't feel you.

it's like you're enjoying the misery you put me through everyday.

it's like i don't even know who you are anymore, i thought you'd be better than this.

it's like you don't know that i'm there... guess what? i'm here for you, always have, always will be.

you mean the world to me... to find out you hate me, it's like having my world crumble aroundme.

you probably wouldn't even care if i just went and died.

you'd probably be happy about it, one less problem to worry about... one less person who would die for you.

i thought that you'd at least tell me what i did wrong.

i'd do anything, if you'd just forgive me.

i guess what i'm trying to say is: i miss you.

now i'm left with the timeless procession of days... months... ... years.
you left me to my darkest lesson, that in the end, we are alone, and there is nothing but the cold, dark wasteland of eternity.

2007-05-12T04:03:00.000-07:00

yesterday, went to fifi's house tih the twins, then left after half an hour to go meet my mom to get my IC done and to change the photo on my passport.

went to watch spiderman 3 with fifi, simin, sijia, hong tai, marc, firdaus, avjit and haikal. we were like, crying like mad. then we heard this sobbing sound behind us, and when we turned around, we saw haikal sobbing like mad. we broke out laughing like mad and people were 'shh'ing us. XD damn funny.

after that, went back to fifi's house with the twins, hong tai, avjit and of course, fifi. we started watching pirates of the caribbean 2 but got bored because we had watched it before. avjit went home, so did hong tai. then only me, fifi and the twins were left.

SO, we decided to watch final destination 2. si jia slept through half of it, poor girl so tired. then after the movie ended, i was just talking to fifi. but then we stopped cos we both heard this ticking sound. like wine glasses clicking together. it sounded like it sounded like it came from the shelves beside fifi. i took one step back. then fifi crawled to the other side of the couch, away from the shelves. i spent 10 minutes hitting the glass stuff on the shelf to try find out what it was, but no matches in sound. we got freaked out and refused to walk past it for awhile.

then finally, we got too tired to refuse, we went to bed. i got SUPER uncomfortable (four people in one bed, a FRAMED bed) so i got up and moved to the living room couch. the one next to the haunted shelf. but i was too tired to care and went to sleep.

then today, we all woke up, and found out we could've slept in another room with A BIG BED. we were like, shit. then when i went to take a shower in the room that we slept in (or at least, they did), fifi was like, 'heyhey! turn on the heater! i didn't turn it on!' i stepped out of the bathroom, looked at the switches behind the tv, the heater was on. everyone got freaked out cos the 'ghost' turned the heater on! XDXD. then i took a shower. but no matter how hot i made it, it would go hot for 2 seconds then turn freezing cold. i was like, 'shitshitshitshit'. what's more, the bathroom light flickers. i freaked, showered quick and got the hell out of her haunted room.

after that, went bowling (only one game) then me and the twins played pool while fifi entertained herself at the arcade game thing. after that, went to IMM, i bought bring it on 3. fifi bought population 436. we went back to fifi's place, watched the first half hour of bring it on 3. then the twins went for church. then after the first cd was done, me and fifi walked down to the convenience store to buy chips and stuff, went back up and finished watching the movie.

then i came home, checked dA, blogs, etc.

2007-05-05T02:33:00.000-07:00

today was pretty boring. went to chinese tuition, came home, watched survivor, went on the com, then went to math tuition, totally zoned out, not focusing. on my way home, i got on the bus and i was like, totally zoned out. then someone tapped my shoulder, i turn around and nick's dad is smiling at me, i don't know why but it gave me a mini heart attack.
-----------
Me: oh, HI! (big smile) how're you? (i have NEVER asked a parent this in my life. not that i remember at least. I panicked and it was the first thing that popped into my head so i just said it.)
Nick's dad: hi, i'm good. yourself?
Me: pretty good i guess.
(Awkward silence)
Nick's dad: where're you going?
Me: on my way home. had tuition at block 104.
Nick's dad: i see. you had tuition or gave tuition?
Me: (I nearly burst out laughing. 'ME, give TUITION!? ha.HAHAHAHA!!!') had tuition. maths.
Nick's dad: ah.
(awkward silence again. dunno why this keeps happening)
Nick's dad: how was OBS for you?
Me: fine i guess... tiring but fun. (i didn't mention the part about me ending up coming home with my elbow and wrist bandaged.)
Nick's dad: good...good...
(awkward silence. again again. must be cos it's a girl-and-her-friend's-dad conversation)
Me: (getting ready to get off the bus) okay, then. bye.
Nick's dad: okay, bye.
(bus stops at the traffic light BEFORE the bus stop)
((AWKWARD SILENCE))
(bus moves to the bus stop once the light turned green)
Me: (no, i didn't say bye a second time. just got off the bus and went home)
----------
Now i'm sitting at the computer, waiting for my foast lamb and garlic mashed potatoes. nowing my parents, there'll be some form of vegetables (sniff). wow, i'm bored. ho-hum. later i'll talk to my mom about the encounter weekend, see if she'll let me go... the epic race/amazing race thingy too.

Did you think it's cool to walk right up, to take my life and fuck it up? well did you? the loneliness is too much for me to handle.

2007-05-03T01:24:00.000-07:00

2007-04-27T02:23:00.000-07:00

today was english exam.

I accompanied siyin to central for her blood test thing. she needs to find out her blood type. we went to the polyclinic, sat there for an hour and 40 mins, turns out that the polyclinics don't do blood-type-finding-out and told us to go to a GP. we were like, wtf.

Went to a clinic, also in central, and told them that we need to find out siyin's blood type. when we got into the doctor's office, he took out the needle and got siyin all prepared. then he poked the needle in, and couldn't collect anything (the syringe pullable thing didn't move), so he took out the needle and tried again, and again, and again. he missed a total of four times! I was laughing my head off: siyin was like, 'is it out?' i nodded and went, 'yeah...' siyin stared at the needle, "why's there no blood inside??" doctor: 'oh, need to change needle, something's wrong with this one.'
then he finally got it right. it drove me insane to sit there and watch the doctor fill the needle with blood. i was like, '... ... ...' O_O""" (suffering from blood withdrawal!!)siyin's face was like >______<" damn funny.

I remember how things used to be, I close my eyes and pretend i'm okay; i remember, Jen. but as much as i want to, I can't become what you want me to. I won't do it to them. no matter how much i miss the taste of blood.

2007-04-19T23:40:00.000-07:00

today i had to go to the hospital. didn't even finish my 2.4km run lah. after the third lap, i couldn't inhale and my chest was hurting like shit, i started crying. so muzfirah brought me to ms suriani, who alerted mr mark. He told Kamini to bring me to the water cooler then walk in the shade for abit.

But i barely drank anything cos I was gasping my life away. then mr mark told me to go to the office. i was like, gasping for air all the way back to school from SP. everyone was like, 'take a deep breath and relax' i wanted to scream, 'ARE YA BLIND!? I CAN BARELY BREATHE AND YA WANT ME TO TAKE A DEEP BREATH!?!?' but of course, i couldn't breathe, therefore, couldn't talk, let alone scream.

dad picked me up from school, took a cab down to National University Hospital, emergency room. i was pale, gasping for air. Doctor checked me, took x-rays. He said that my heart was stressed and was practically shutting some of my body fuctions down. lungs and heart were not strong enough to sustain the run. he asked if i was stressed about anything, other than studies. I lied and said no. he gave me some medicine to clear the breathing passage, said it would help to relax the heart and lungs.

so for the next five days, i can't have anything spicy, no COFFEE either!

If I have shortage breathing again, i need to get sent back to the emergency room, where they'll hold me there in the hospital for a few days for observation.

i wish i would've died. end my misery. maybe i'll die soon, then you'll be happy too.

2007-04-13T02:48:00.000-07:00

today was boring. there was commendation day today so got let off school early, at 9.40. had a total of three periods. first two were PE. the third period was supposed to be geog. but since there was a shortage of students, ms caroline chan decided to give us a free period. i was sitting down there with my lollipop, drawing and talking to caroline chan about Stephen King. talked about how being a great author must run in the family cos stephen king's son got an award for HIS books. then talked about a couple of stephen king's books. she hasn't read 'cell' yet, but she wants to, i'm in the midst of reading it.

after got released, went with si yin and hui yin to central macs to eat, my treat. met mr chan seng fatt there. his dog was outside macs, sleeping. then this group of girls with mini skirts walked out of macs and past the dog. si yin was like, 'imagine if the dog barks at them...' sure enough, the last girl with the shortest mini skirt bent over to pet the dog. it barked, with made us giggle cos si yin had just mentioned it would do that. but we burst out in hysterical laughter when the girl actually screamed 'eeeEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!!' and ran away with her friends.

damn funny, no idea why. just the way she screamed. kinda like how denise and i broke out laughing at the, '...and the queen's voice echoed throughout the kingdom, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" ' XDXD

i've been attempting to brush up on my german... if there was a test, i'd fail. i suck at german. mind you, i FINALLY realised that the song 'mann gegen mann' by rammstein is about the singer being homo (translated to english). o_O for some reason, the thought of the 'gay disco room' popped to mind XD http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/53047028/ ...

Gefährlich ist wer Schmerzen kennt, vom Feuer das den Geist verbrennt. "whoever knows pain is dangerous, from the fire that burns the soul."; tell me what i did wrong. why're you pretending i don't exist? i just want to know why. it's your perogative to avoid me. but i want to know what i've done wrong.

2007-04-11T04:39:00.000-07:00

school's becoming more boring day by day... sigh. i've been in a kinda bad mood lately. wanna just scream my heart out, but at the same time i just want to break down and cry. i wish he was still here... to help me get over all this. i'm like, venting my frustration by making those paper clip hearts out of the coloured paper clips. i've been working through like, a box a day. bruises on my index fingers and thumbs. i just feel hopeless in my heart. ... ...ARGH!

"everywhere i turn, i hurt someone. but there's nothing i can say to change the things i've done. of all the things i hid from you i can't hide the shame. and i pray someday someone will come and take away the pain... i can't face another day. tell me where did i go wrong. everyone i loved, they're all gone. i'd do anything so differently, but i can't turn back the time. there's no shelter from this storm inside of me. there's no way out of this dark place. i know i can't be free."

if you feel like leaving, i'm not gonna beg you to stay; it's that same unfeeling aura you're giving me, same as that time. at least tell me what i did wrong. i don't know what to do, i'm going out of my mind.; i think about your beauty, it makes me weak. it's driving me so crazy.

2007-04-08T03:53:00.000-07:00

today i went with my parents and grandfather to my grandfather's church. so-so lah. nearly fell asleep, but my tailbone was too painful. think i hurt my tailbone at the last training. hurts to sit, to bend over, to cough, to run, to go up stairs, etc. at one point, i started to question the pastor's sanity.
i quote:
" (he said some other stuff) ... sometimes, we get the feeling that there's something that we should know... ...

but we don't know what is it that we should know. therefore, we PRETEND to know what we don't know... ...

but then somebody else knows what we don't know... ...

but he or she won't tell us what we don't know because he or she doesn't know whether we know what we actually don't know or not... ...

so they don't say what we don't know because they don't want us to find out what we don't know in case we really don't know it... which we don't.

so we have to continue to search to find out what we don't know that we SHOULD know. (continues talking)"

try saying that to yourself. i missed out a few lines in here cos i can't remember it all. it sounds like he's on auto playback or something.

Amidst the discreet natures of you and I in consanguinity, A fluttering whisper for which it seems, is it a lie or a truth untold before its time?

2007-04-06T20:40:00.000-07:00

yesterday went to TCT for the tgif t-time concert thing. yi jing, nick, kell and i showed up in berets. jopyce wore nick's blue christmas hat. XD. pity that a certain someone didn't show up, ah well. there was sharing of testimonies, etc. before i left, jr pulled me aside and we were talking about my parents not letting me go to fcbc, then pastor yolanda joined in the conversation. pastor was like, 'maybe you should introduce jr to your parents and they might let you come again?' jr:'i can pay you a visit at your house, since you can't come for services, i'll have to meet up with you anyways. and since you're grounded, i can just meet at your house.' wonder what my parents'll say to that. then jr and pastor yolanda prayed for me and i went home for dinner.

sigh, tomorrow i have to go to my grandfather's church... this just proves that my parents aren't letting me go to church, not because they think church takes up too much time, but because they don't like FCBC. i don't get my parents at all, man...

he's never coming back, he's dead and he can't ever come back. there's nobody like him. i'm going to stop waiting for someone to come and save me. it's useless and disappointing.

2007-03-25T06:33:00.000-07:00

o.O my dad told me last week "i dont want to see you wear anything mini until you're eighteen! no mini skirts, nothing!" then the next day, my mought brings me to holland v and buys me a mini skirt. hmm. then yesterday, i went out with kamini and lina to do project work (which didnt get done because nurul was late and i had to go early). they wanted to see me in a mini skirt. so i jokingly said that if they all wore skirts, i would too. so in the end, i had to go to jurong east library to meet them in a mini skirt and a girlish collared button up shirt (the type that shows off the waist and such) and a tie. damn girl. then syukri and justin they all showed up at the library o_o

i told kelly and denise i dressed up in that fashion. kelly's reply was: 'woah. someone so sexy luh. haha. yay! you finally look girl! go study! go be a good GIRL!' denise's reply was: 'ARGH~! NOOO! not you too! you're becoming girly! i want bettina back... AHH! NOOOO~! THIS IS A DISASTER!'

i've got to learn to listen to people, man. one example would be mr yee going 'remember people, dont eat too much over the weekend because obs is on monday. dont get sick or anything like that.' and then what do i do? ate. too. much.
this is how:
yesterday, i upsized a mcspicy burger meal at macdonalds. then for dinner, went to eat at this place at the clementi central area called 'botak jones' which sells american-sized servings. which is like, JUMBO sized (i actually finished the meal for once. o.O i usually die about half way through). then this morning, had 2 peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast. for lunch, went out with my parents, and my cousin's family, plus my grandfather to go to this japanese buffet place in suntec city. ate alot. ALOT! too much sashimi, 7 pieces of sushi, 4 big pieces of soft shell crab, plus lotsa chicken stuff, two slices of cheescake, 3 mini eclaires, 5 marshmellows dipped in the chocolate fountain, and a cuppa coffee =D. i feel like a pig. just watched Death Note on the com, got the dvd, second time watching it.

obs for the next five days, monday to friday, i have my big jumbo-sized bag my parents bought for me. then my mom forced me to bring a couple extra sets of clothes. T.T usually the amount on the list is already more than we need. then she ask me to pack more. i'll never understand my mom.

-you'd be happier if i was dead, wouldn't you? there'll finally be one less problem in your life. i love you, for that, i'd be willing to die for you. your happiness is everything to me. if it means my death, then so be it.

PHOTOS FROM CROSS COUNTRY

2007-03-24T06:14:00.000-07:00

a few photos from cross country.

alex. hair blown back, eyes closed, slight smile... ... Nike, say hello to your new ad model! XD

cute dude running

twinnies coming in at first and second.

hey look, a flower! XD

sec one girl running at the speed of light. WHOOOSH~!
this guy was running like that the whole time.. o.O chicken man? new superhero! i think he's trying to see if he can fly..?

2007-03-04T04:16:00.000-08:00

fucking hell. parents are pulling me out of photography, g12 conference, encounter, church all together, not buying me a camera and they are considering tranferring me to another school. all because i didn't tell them i was failing a maths. so basically, my life is being flushed down the fucking toilet. ARGHH! i wanna beat the hell out of something! that, or die. my life is like fucking crap now. not to mention still got chris tan and lily ng issues to deal with. plus fucking jen. bloody hell, somebody just shoot me! i know SOMEBODY out there must want to, well, now's the perfect time to do it!

2007-03-02T04:02:00.000-08:00

yesterday went for choir rehearsal. when we were being taughts the moves for lord of all, after seeing the first three actions (which were with three words) our faces were like, o.o! then we got told, 'heyheyhey, you have to relax, that's get the first three words, still got alot of words in this song, you know.' which made our faces turn to: O_O!!!! lol, but it was fun, managed to get all the moves and stuff memorised. now just pray hat i don't forgot on stage. XD.
today, had the jog-a-thon, didn't run, took some pretty nice shots. got one of alex (she looked like a friggin model cos her hair was blown back, eyes closed blurred background. lol, damn nice). i'll post some nice pics on here once i get them from yanlin (i used her camera, but by next week or something, i'll have my own camera)

2007-03-01T21:49:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3GbcSjCpJQ&mode=related&search=

you gotta watch this. even if you dont like indian movies. i didn't like indian movies. but this song and the dance moves are cool. i feel like getting the movie. i watched part of it. it was pretty good. funny.

2007-02-21T04:31:00.000-08:00

had training today. started out with simple physical. then did usual feilding and stuff.

i feel like total crap right now; the minute my parents and their friends from out of town left the house to go to the night safari, i sat down at my computer and began sobbing (not tearing, not crying, SOBBING, like on the verge of BAWLING). i couldn't help it, for some reason the only thoughts that ran through my head were the times i spent with mike. i mean, he was always there for me, he was always comforting me, we trusted each other, we were always there for each other.
i just... i really can't believe he's gone... that i'll never see him again. i always feel this overwhelming sense of lonliness without him. ever since he died, i got into bad moods really easily. i always felt like just breaking down to cry. the second i start tearing, i almost always break into crying/sobbing. sometimes i just wish that i would've died instead of him. he deserved to live.
as some of you may notice, this blogskin i'm currently using is basically based on him.

2007-02-01T05:34:00.000-08:00

hm. went out for a photography outing. i managed to get some pretty nice shots. nicole got some really nice pics.. pro~ denise had some nice pics too. i didn't really see the others.

have to draw pics for:
-kelly
-tammy
-joyce
-denise
in that order... i might run out of ideas before i get to denise! AAAA~! X3

we're planning our sleepover/movie marathon like, 5 months in advance. wth. XD. probably at suyi's place. movies provided by suyi and myself. nicole, denise and kelly are auto-okays. alex is being considered. suyi has to check with her mom first. see if her mom'll let her have that many people. i think we're pushing it already! so if too many, it'll just be suyi, cheryl, rk, nicole, denise, kelly and myself. if can have more, then plus alex.

2007-01-30T05:37:00.000-08:00

okay, guess it's time to update on the matches... hm.
---------------------------------------------------------
------[22 jan] CGS match: lost 14-something (think it was 4.. or 8.. cant remember), made lots of stupid errors. we vowed to try harder next game.
------[25 jan] FTP match: won 8-6, close game, came down to the final feilding, nicole & yijun did well in pitching. good game, guys.
------[26 jan] RGS match: lost 12-8. we were leading 8-4 until the forth inning, started making errors, and in one inning we gave away 8 runs. we were kinda depressed. but we didn't exactly expect to win anyways.. but we should've done better. especially me. i made lotsa mistakes...
------[30 jan] finally... STC match: WON 8-0. 'mui mui' and i were saying "we gotta prove to chris tan that she's wrong about her being bad luck. how many times in our lives are we gonna have the chance to prove CHRISTINE TAN wrong??" before the match to try and make ourselves more determined XD. yijun was pitching really well today, three up-three down. well done to all~ we all did well, kudos to all the ntss softball b div girls, yeah?
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Nationals coming in a week. LET'S ALL PLAY HARD AND MAKE CHRISTINE TAN PROUD! LET'S MAKE THE NTSS SOFTBALL TEAM GO DOWN IN HISTORY AS THE MOST HARDWORKING TEAM (a little exaggerated, but you get what i mean). WE GOTTA MAKE THE TOP FOUR! GET AT LEAST FOURTH, KAY GIRLS!? just remember to chill and concentrate on our individual plays~ =D=D nil satis nisi optimum!
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I'm going to fail my A maths... AAAaaaaAAaAAAA~~~ somebody take my exam for me..? (hah. i wish.)
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suffering from scratches and bruises. biting down on my tongue and bearing the pain during softball. damn you, man, go HOME already! go back to your bloody girlfriend, why doncha!?

2007-01-19T19:41:00.000-08:00

ho-hum. lost the match against pei cai. game ended early due to lightning and thuinder. final score 4 - 2. made too many mistakes... ah well, we'll thrash 'em next time. if we win three more (i think) we can get third in south zone. so we gotta work hard and PRAY IT DOESN'T RAIN ON US THE NEXT GAME!!!!

2007-01-16T04:25:00.000-08:00

WHOO~! 13th was Eric Clapton concert, as i said in the previous post. IT WAS BLOODY AWESOME~! was so cool! not to mention loud. the guitarists and drummer were damn good. there was this OLD guy on the keyboard and at first i was like, 'what the hell is that old dude doing at the keyboard???' then he started playing and he was DAMN FAST~ kudos to the old guy on the keyboard XDXD. oh, and there were lotsa hot australian guys sitting in the seats around us (lucky me~). but my dad was with me... (short lived victory). .... .... .... okay, there were hot girls too, i was trying SO hard not to notice them, but dammit, who in the right mind would bend over wearing a mini skirt with their ass facing me. ME. ME!!! A PERSON WHO WAS STANDING IN THE GIRLS TOILET STYLING HER HAIR and LOOKS LIKE A GUY! =.= note to nick: i tried, can't blame me. actually you can but at least i TRIED this time.

2007-01-13T00:38:00.000-08:00

yesterday was jiarong's birthday. cyn had her cam so we were taking turns to take photos... hm, kelly looked really nice in the dress she borrowed from tammy. joyce was attempting to tie her pants around her waist to make it into a skirt. after a while, she gave up and wore it as pants. XD. ate food, did worship, prayed for jr, took photos with jr, sang a song with the cell for jr, ate a piece of jr's cake, then left with nick and alex (finally change in people, no? XD). the ride back in the cab was super funny. alex and i laughed like hell. as for why we laughed our asses off, i told nick that i wouldn't say to anyone, so if you wanna know, ask her. XDXDXD

today, went to tuition, then to imm (but all the shops were closed, so...), went to queensway but all the shops there opened at 11 so sat in macdonalds eating and drinking for one and a half hours (relax, it was only one meal, didn't stuff food in my mouth constantly for one and a half hours =D). bought soccer socks, shin guards (which i think are too small but the lady at the store said it would be okay...), and school shoes. then went home, dropped off my stuff and picked up different stuff and changed to school uni, then went to clementi CC for the edusave scholarship thing (got $300). was writing out my english compo while waiting for my turn, girl next to me was like, reading over my shoulder. but she said she liked it... first time i wrote something other than a horror story =D. then in half an hour, i'm gonna leave house, go for dinner, then go for the Eric Clapton concert with my dad ($150 ticket). supposed to get stuff for my maid, nick, and denise. =D (i'll try.)

2007-01-01T00:16:00.000-08:00

went to fcbc youthnet breakout countdown party 2007! [rewinds to yesterday morning] woke up at 7.30, went to holland v with my mom to get a manicure. then went to orchard, ran to far east plaza to meet a friend so that she could pass me these arm/wrist stockings. then took the mrt to expo, ran all the way into hall 9, and made it JUST IN TIME for hospitality. then during service, pastor khong prayed for us. got slain for the first time. kelly and i were both like SUPER dizzy, when we stood up we couldn't walk straight and stuff. then went for tribe retreat. then dressed up for the Breakout countdown. the twins came with us, in identical clothing, but si'min was in pink, si'jia in blue. so cute~!! like kaoru and hikaru in that episode when they dyed their hair different colours (except the twins had it in shirt-form not their hair) pink and blue. countdown party was cool, sore throat by the time i got home. there were lotsa nice jumpy songs so we were like super hyped. then my mom sent nick and denise home. no more mrt. then went home. slept at 3 plus. woke up today at 11. had to go to my aunt's place for a family gathering... new year thing. Somebody has to remind me to be more specific with my christmas list, i got an mp3 but it's those SUPER annoying ones where you can't view all the songs, you gotta keep clicking 'next' till you find the song you want. sob.
happy new year, peeps! =D

2006-12-29T06:33:00.000-08:00

sigh, got forced to update.

on tuesday, went to si ying's place for a sleepover. played mahjong and stuff, my mom told me that we sounded like a bunch of old women when i texted her all the stuff we were doing. watched 'i know what you did last summer' nick and all screamed like it was the end of the world. only amanda and the twins watched 'final destination 3' because the others were too scared (i watched it ALOT of times before, and charmaine has watched it once before, which surprised me cos i didn't know she watched horror movies on her own... considering this is the same charmaine who screams her ass off when a bee flies anywhere within a 6 metre radius of her.)

spent ALOT of time to make bracelets for nick, denise and everyone else in our cell group. it was tiring... you try using two pliers at the same time on a tiny little link on a bracelet!

Today, went out with some friends from mgs (cheryl-kun~, RK and Kuro) watched Death Note 2 WHICH WAS VERY SAD, MIND YOU!!! sniff, so sad!!!!! i shant spoil the movie for those of you who haven't watched it, so i won't mention what's so sad.

hm.that's about it i guess... jen agreed to postpone the sleepover till next year.. probably december. so i guess that's good. otherwise i'd be dead by now. hm, chris is dead. part of me was happy like hell, because of what he did to his brother. but, of course, the humane part of me was upset and shit.

there, all done. HAPPY, nick??

2006-12-05T01:01:00.000-08:00

this is bettina. finally decided to update after everybody kept bugging me.

hmm.

yesterday we beat AES 21-2!

today went to the airport to send kell, joycey moycey and jr off to vietnam. sad sad. some ppl cried. no mentioning of names. we bought a rose for each of them. hmm. then went to eat at popeyes. where you pop your eyes out and eat them back! =D

then cyn went pool-ing with timo and daryl. aunty cynthia! =D =D =D

anw. please rmbr, this is bettina posting! =D

2006-11-15T02:40:00.000-08:00

Had a student leadership camp 9th - 11th Nov. Called the CLASS camp (compassionate leaders always serving society), organised by TOUCH Youth Services.the groups were: 'Armstrong, Bizarre, Chaotic 10, Dengue, Extreme. It was originally groups A - E. Then the groups chose their own group name, but it had to start with the letter. I was in group ARMSTRONG! The first day was mostly orientation games, really fun.

Then at night, around 7 o' clock, we had to do this 'mission' thing. you had to go around the school doing five obstacles altogether, once an obstacle is completed, you get a hundred 'TOUCH dollars'. Once all the obstacles were done, you can use the money to buy clues to find your group's 'leadership scroll'. Here's the hard part: there are 'enemies' patrolling the school, if they catch any of your group members, your group will have to do a forfeit which will waste time. Our first forfeit was to do 20 push-ups while singing the school song... Other forfeits included doing the banana dance, holding hands and walking in a clockwise rotation while singing 'twinkle twinkle little star', and more. once we completed the obstacles, we bought a $300 clue: "Fragrance named Singapore". I immediately said "ORCHIDS!" Then Kumar agreed and led us to the orchid garden at the back of the school, we searched for a long time, and just as we were about to buy another clue, one of our members found the scroll hiding somewhere on the ground, well hidden. We were the forth team to arrive, i think, so sad. But we were very proud of ourselves for being able to complete the obstacles together as a team.
On the second day, we had a service-learning experience, where we went to one and two-room flats to deliver meals to elderly people above 55 years of age who are disabled, etc. When we delivered the food, we would listen to what they have to say about the delivery (on time, good quality, etc), and also just listen to a story or two.

After that, we went back to school for lunch and stuff. We did a Project "Take-off" where we had an hour to use our "TOUCH dollars" to buy material to build a plane no less than 60 X 60 cm. we would have to fly the plane off the second floor towards a small square area. Our group had to go first, when our plane was more than a metre away from the landing area, we were like, "DAMN! we're doomed. no way we can win now". but then after that all the other team's planes all got further and further away from the landing area. One of the planes went really far, we were like, "Shit, we're doomed!! NOOoooOOOooOOO~! (sees the plane make massive U-turn to fly back and go really far from the landing pad) ... nevermind."

Later we played basketball/soccer/captain's ball. At one point, Sze Lei hurt her hand playing basketball so she came over to play captain's ball, but it made it worse when she kept spiking the ball straight down and scaring the crap out of everyone. Then while Yanlin and I were playing basketball by ourselves because everyone else was playing 'bang', I saw Sze Lei sitting down with a couple mentors around her, she was crying... no wait, LAUGHING?! I went over and asked whether she was laughing or crying, one of the mentors said "Both, it's tears of JOY~" and Sze Lei broke out laughing (but still crying because she couldn't move her wrist at all, due to the pain.) Oh yeah, I found out that ALOT of the mentors and Logistics all went to FCBC!

On 12th Nov (sunday), I went to church wearing a skirt with Alex, Nicole, Denise and Kelly. Nicole's skirt was DAMN short. Anyways, i saw all the mentors and logistics at FCBC with some student leaders (who were invited that day by Mr Tan Say Pin) and they started playing 'bang'! IN THE MIDDLE OF A CROWD! It was damn funny. Shairul, Amos and all the other mentors are in the same tribe~ At night, Alex, Marcus, Jo-Han, Denise, Nicole and I were planning to go to Changi airport for dinner. But then Denise's mother offered to treat us to dinner at ECP, Red House seafood Restaurant. Wasn't that nice of Denise's mom?? But damn, Jen had to go make me all depressed by... (those of you who don't know in detail, don't need to know.)

On 13th Nov, after training, Denise, Cynthia, Marcus, Jo-Han, Nicole and I all went to go watch Step Up. I kinda missed the last bit because I was on the phone with Jen. I was still watching the movie, but not totally focused on it.

For the past week, people have been coming over to my house to watch 'Bring It On: All Or Nothing' because I borrowed the cd from Lilin (thanks, btw.) I've memorised most of the lines because I watched it so many times. Today was the last two people who planned on coming over. So on Friday, gonna return the cd to Lilin.
Today I kinda got scolded by Mdm Christine Tan because no one wanted to help keep the pitching machine and it ended up being Manprit and SZE LEI to keep the pitching machine. She was like, "I expect more out of you. I'm already very disappointed in Si'Min and Si'Jia because they didn't wear their soccer socks even though they brought it, I don't need any more disappointments today. I expect alot out of the five of you (Si'Min, Si'Jia, Lilin, Nicole, Me) from which two were to be cap and vice-cap. But I expect more out of you, not only are you a student leader now, you're an ex-MGSian. You should be more responsible than this. And I want you to make sure that none of the balls are left behind, if i find any, I'll make all of you pay, not by cash, but by as much physical punishment as I can come up with." She said some other stuff, but I can't quite remember.

[Rest In Peace,
Blake Joey Emerson
12.11.06]<--related to the end of paragraph 6

2006-11-07T02:49:00.000-08:00

For more info on the Regency Park incident stated in the previous post, visit:
Nicole
Si'Jia
Si'Min
Charmaine
Peggy
Cheryl

2006-11-07T02:39:00.000-08:00

Eight New Town Softball Girls Harassed By Two Boys

On 6 November 2006, Eight girls went to Regency Park, 11 Nathan Road, to hang out. Si Ying, aged 13, who was a resident at Regency Park, brought the other seven girls into her house to have lunch. Nicole and Si'Jia, aged 14, spent their time playing songs on the guitar and piano at the house. Bettina, aged 14, having nothing much to do, sat beside the two as they attempted to find a song they could play together. Peggy, Charmaine and Cheryl, aged 14, ran around the house doing random things, having random fun.Si'Min,also aged 14, was... innocently eating her instant noodles.

The girls finally decided to go down to the poolside to relax at approximately 3.45pm. They wore shirts they were prepared to get wet in, and their school P.E. shorts.They carried down towels and a basketball, as some did not want to swim.

Upon reaching the poolside, the girls noticed a guard staring at them. The girls all asked each other if it was okay to swim with their shirts on. The guard must've suspected something, as she approached the girls and told them that shirts in the pool were prohibited by the 'Management', although their shorts would be alright.

The girls were not sure whether to swim or not anymore, as Bettina was the only one with a swimsuit under her shirt. Although the others were wearing sports bras, a sports bra looks ALOT like a bikini top, like what Bettina was wearing. So, Bettina and Si'Min were the first to strip and dive into the pool. Followed by Nicole and Si'Jia. The other four girls decided to play basketball instead.

As the time passed, two boys started following Nicole, Bettina, Si'Min and Si'Jia around the pool. The four girls decided to dive into the pool in various styles. It was obvious that one of the boys was attempting to show off by doing a forward flip into the pool. "Wow, we've never seen THAT before." said Nicole in a sarcastic tone.

After a dive, Bettina emerged from the water to hear the word 'fag' said by the same boy who was showing off. Bettina, being curious, asked "who's the fag?" only to hear the response "You are."

This was how it started. The arguement that followed was something like this: Bettina, "so what if I'm a fag, you emo." Patrick, "I'm not an emo, I don't slit my wrists, YOU'RE the emo." "how am I an emo? I don't slit my wrists either." "You're emo because to don't have any friends." Bettina gestures towards the other girls, "Does it look like I don't have friends?" "... You're ALL emo! Emos stick together." "whatever, loser."

The boys were constantly splashing water and further disturbing the girls. The boys refused to leave them alone after constant attmepts by the girls by kindly asking them to leave them alone.

We approached Bettina for an interview to hear what it was like having to deal the the boys, see the interview that follows.

--- Yeah, we like innocently swimming around when the two idiots decided to bug us. After alot of arguing, they just got plain annoying. Then when we stood by the poolside at one point of time, this Patrick kid pushed me into the pool.

Here's the funny part: he asked us how old we were and we kinda refused to tell him. So we asked back, "how old are you?" his reply?: "Twelve." We couldn't help ourselves, we burst out laughing, "The kid's our junior!" And the way he said it, he was acting as if he just said he was the president of the United States or something. Then when he heard we were fourteen, his expression was like, 'oh shit' kinda thing. Then he added, "I turned thirteen YESTERDAY!" his friend supported him by going "I turned thirteen two months ago!" We were still laughing so we were like, "yeah, right. hey kid, go bother someone else. And stop being so immature."

He and his friend, which was actually pretty damn fat, kept following us around the pool, splashing water at us and shit. Then at one point he was like, "you guys are retards." and we just kinda replied "does it look like we freakin' care?" Then the fat kid ran up behind Peggy and pushed her in! (voice raised) SHE WAS CARRYING OUR SHIRTS! AND SI'MIN AND SI'JIA's TOWELS! We were all DAMN pissed. I kept trying to get us out of the pool I was like, "do you guys want to go now?" And i kept whispering "Somebody SHOOT them, PLEASE!" Then at one point i was trying to relax at the side of the pool when I look up and see the fat kid running STRAIGHT AT ME. I was like, "OH MY GO-" and frantically swam away. Then he dove into the pool and then I was like, '..tsunami...' fucking irritating.

Then the two kids went on either side of us and started splashing water at us, which was bad for nic since she was wearing contact lenses. Finally, Nicole got pissed enough to get out the pool and muttered in an irritated tone "That's it." and then marched down to the guard. The two losers realised that she was calling the 'authorities', held their breath and went underwater in a failed attempt to hide. We were like, "Nicole's pissed... Woah... ...YAY FOR NICOLE!" After that the guard went to talk to them, we didn't hear though. But after that, they finally stopped bothering us and kept super quiet. Which was amazing, we didn't think they KNEW how to keep quiet. But after that, all was well i guess.

Created by Big Headline News

2006-11-04T17:33:00.000-08:00

okay, haven't blogged in a long time. let's see.
2nd nov:
Went to 2/4's class party because Marcus invited me... Played whacko, Justin was having the time of his life whenever someone had the forfeit, sprayed LOTS of whipped cream into peep's mouths. After awhile, wen to the playground with Peggy and all, played catching, blind mice and marco polo. Lame, we know. But we felt like being lame. And in my panic halfway through, I slipped on some metal bar thingy and got 5 bruises on my shins. XD.
Played lotsa basketball with the guys. at the start it was Nic and I playing with the guys, two groups, one girl in each. Then after that, Nic went to watch Peng Xiang and all play tennis. But I carried on playing basketball because there was nothing better to do. Then after awhile Shi Min and I decided to see who could get in the most shots. I surrendered after i was losing 4-7.
After the party, went to the softball barbeque which was fun, played frisbee, volleyball, and threw around this mini softball thing Dinah had. Then, it started to rain~ The seniors were cooking our food while standing underneath umbrellas, yay for our kind-hearted seniors! After that, we took over cooking the food so that the seniors could eat. There was ALOT of food. An overload of food. While we were cooking, the barbeque pit opposite us had their radio blasting, and all the Sec 2 softballers started singing along to all the songs from their radio. The people in the other barbeque pit were probably wondering why we were singing along to their radio and not our own... Our radio got turned down! we couldn't blast ours! XD.
3rd nov:
Had training. damn tiring... It's a really good training though because it'll help us improve. but we haven't had a tough training in a LOOONG time. So we felt like dying halfway through. But we kept going~ Yay for us~! Did ALOT of running... Just when we thought we could relax a little, had to do bunting and batting... (dies). I have a bruise on my hand from bunting... owie~!

2006-10-19T20:17:00.000-07:00

Got a call from Jen yesterday... Mike's gone... I just can't believe that he's gone and i'll never see him again... I'll get even with Jen... I'll get even or die trying, I swear it. I never thought it would end for you like this. I should've tried harder to prevent all this from happening, I know everything that's happening now is all my fault.

Rest in Peace,
Michael Brandon Lee.
19102006

2006-10-13T05:08:00.000-07:00

WHOO~ It's been a FUN past two days. yesterday, went out jammin' with some Guit' Fam people. you can watch the video i took of us at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhwWfc7zm9A Was damn cool to see all of bein' able to play so frickin' well.
Today went out with Cynthia, Nicole, Denise, Si'Jia, Alex, Justin and Gigi. We went to East Coast to blade and guy-watch~! XD. Was really fun. We took alot of photos. ALOT. Some are random shit. And for once, I DID NOT FALL DOWN! YEAH~! haha.

Alex and Nicole... sleeping soundly on our way home from East Coast.

Alex, Nicole and Cynthia. Real nice pose.

Alex, Cynthia, Denise, Nic, Si'Jia and Gigi on the monkey bars.

Alex and Nicole... In the water. Alex got her shorts soaked. XD

(Looking through the photos afterwards) "Who the hell took a photo of our ASSES!?" "It was Justin! PERVERT!" Meanwhile, the real culprit, a.k.a me, acts innocent while Justin tries to convince the others that he didn't take the photo. When they saw that justin was IN the photo, they finally narrowed the suspects down to one: me.

In the tunnel... being cool.

2006-10-11T03:57:00.000-07:00

Let's see, stayed home, practiced guitar, chatted to people on msn messenger. WOW, I did ALOT today~! ahaha. exams are almost over~ only Math paper 2, CME and art... the only that i ahve to actually study fro is math.. ho hum. ah well.

2006-10-07T04:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday went out for lunch after school with Nicole, Cynthia, Alex and Jia Rong (Nicole's cell leader). Ate at Central Macs, then JR treated us to Kbox... We sang alot of random songs, picked some at random XD.
Chinese and English exams are over... Tomorrow is my Science exam, Tuesday is Geography, Wednesday is Math paper 1 and History, Thursday is Math paper 2, and friday is CME and Art as the last exams. sigh... I'm suffering from handphone-withdrawl already... I NEED MY PRECIOUS HANDPHONE~!!
Today i only JUST realised that I have alot of Anime comics... not too many compared to some people. But alot compared to most people. How many...? I currently have: 'Love For Venus' 1-12 (full set), 'Tokyo Mew Mew' 1-7 (full set), 'Absolute Boyfriend' 1-6 (full set), 'Fruits Basket' books 1-20, 'Zig Zag' books 1-4, and 'Ouran High School Host Club' books 1-8. And i only have ONE Anime movie, 'Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children'! I need more Final Fantasy movies!

2006-09-27T05:14:00.000-07:00

HOMG! the music project was DAMN fun! I had to humiliate myself by being the only one to air guitar like a madman, or air guitar at all... BUT I DON'T CARE! We got an 'A'! WHOO~~! rofl. whatever. No softball this week, have to prepare for exams. first exam is 2nd oct, last one is 13th oct [a.k.a. friday the 13th] and i don't have my handphone till then... so sad...

2006-09-24T04:19:00.000-07:00

Gasp! I have my music project tomorrow. Gonna have to sing "Lindsay Lohan - Ultimate" in front of the goddamn class along with Kamini, Yi Zhen, Pei Chee and Cai Lin... Sob, i have to act super gay/extra and do air-guitar. I'm the only one that's doing air-anything. Got one guitar solo i hafta air out, but while i do that, I'm making the rest of 'em do the school's line-dance steps to the music XD. I'm so mean. Hope everything goes okay because Pei Chee and Cai Lin didn't practice with us at all. I don't think they even heard the song!!! Luckily the period before music is math and our math teacher isn't coming tomorrow so we got a free period, can hopefully get Pei Chee and Cai Lin suited up for the music thing...

First Bite

2006-09-23T07:43:00.000-07:00

Wow, my first entry... Let's see, My name's Bettina a.k.a. Vampiro Wolfskin. XD. Softballer/Photographer. Vampire Freak. Am constantly haunted by my past. uhm... can be hyper sometimes... Can be completely random if i want to. I can kinda-sorta play the drums (limited abilities, XD).